Hey, remember Yuppies? Those uptight humorless
business-obsessed stuffed-shirts from the 80s that many
of us hold responsible for the greed-fest that was the
Reagan Administration? What was "Yuppie" an
anagram for? Wasn't it something like "Young Urban
Professional Pig-Ignorant Elitist"? I kind of winged
it toward the end, so maybe that's not exactly it, but
it's close enough for horseshoes and handgrenades.
Anyway, I am
talking about those people. They sure did have quite the
effect on Western Culture, didn't they? I mean, without
them, we probably wouldn't have jogging strollers,
cellular phones or even SUVs! We also wouldn't have a
majority of the population of the United States up to
their eyebrows in credit card debt, either. I think they
still exist, but they are approaching the age of Geritol
now rather than Gatorade.
I have always wondered what became of them all. I mean,
did they all succeed? Was the alligator shirt the key to
financial success? Or are many of them those people you
see camped over a steam grate in Manhattan? I'll tell you
one thing, Dave Barry made a prediction about them back
in the 80s that makes my skin all goose-bumpy and stuff.
See, Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami
Herald. He's also made quite a name for himself as
the famous author of too many books to list here. Just look him up during
your next trip to the library. He's a scream. One book in
particular called Dave Barry's Greatest Hits,
which is a compilation book of some of his best columns
in the Miami Herald. This one column in particular was
called "Yup the Establishment" and the
following passage made me shiver with it's prophecy:
I say the yuppies represent a threat to society as we
know it and I say we need to do something about them. One
possibility would be to simply wait until they reproduce,
on the theory that they'll give their children the finest
clothing and toys and designer educations, and their
children will of course grow up to absolutely loathe
everything their parents stand for and thus become
defiant, ill-dressed, un-washed, unkempt, violently
antiestablishment drug addicts, and society will return
Now how could he have predicted such a thing? Indeed the
yuppies did begin to reproduce, once their
"biological clocks" began to tick faster. At an even higher rate than Dave the
Magnificent could have predicated, I might add. They also
were given everything and not only did they not
appreciate their good fortune, they turned on society as
Dave predicted. (Think raves, bell-bottoms, that whole
Spice Girls fiasco, etc.) They also became unwashed,
unkempt slovenly little ne'er-do-wells (think the grunge
scene and those damnable pants that hang really low and
show everyone what brand of designer boxers they wear)
who spend their leisure time high on ecstasy and inhaling
the contents of Reddi-Whip cans.
How proud their parents must be today.
But hey, we have laptop computers now. And isn't that
what really matters?
Happy 2001, Darlings!
HOT OFF THE PRESS
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