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by The Grim ~V~eeper
Greetings,
everyone...and welcome to this edition of
Celebrity Cemetary, the Grim ~V~eeper's Obituary Page.
A slow
month, April was. So, I thought this would be a good time
to rid myself of some of this mail that's been cluttering
up my crypt. Here's a few of the letters & e-mails
that you sicko's have been haunting yer old bony pal Da
Grim ~V~eep with:
geddyleeroth@att.net writes:
"Who
are these celebritys anyway? I've never heard of most of
them. You suck." (The celebrity round-up is the
highlights from the previous month's obituary pages from
across the country. Ideally, it features someone everyone
knows, plus people who have at least won an award or
achieved something. Unlike you.)
johnfromnebraska@worldnet.att.net writes:
"At
the sunrise in early morn
I think of corn
When I am forlorn
I think of corn
When a new President is sworn
I think of corn
When my life turns to black and I wish that I was never
born
I think of corn"
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imjimbelushi@glomer.com writes:
"Am
I dead yet?" (No, but your career sure is.)
ilikecheese@banal.com writes:
"Mr.
~V~eeper, I really enjoy Celebrity Cemetery. However, I
see that you've been calling your game "Death POLL
2001". This must be a typographical error. All games
I've seen like this have been called "Dead
POOLs", much like a football pool, baby pool, etc. I
thought this should be pointed out." (Thank you, but
its *named* Death Poll. You might say this is "Death
Poll 2001, The Grim ~V~eeper's Dead Pool game. So bite
me.)
melbatoaste@do_me.org writes:
"......I'm
enclosing a picture of myself in my favorite
teddy.....Oooh ~V~eep-man......" (*Ahem*...I'm a
SKELETON, fercripesake. Seek help, and not only for that
rash.)
Comments? Suggestions? Bad Poetry? Make contact with the
Grim ~V~eeper through his human conduit at raymorgan@prodigy.net
Lets take a quick peek at the SICKTICKER at www.stiffs.com
Robert Downey Jr. arrested on drug
intoxication charges, fired from Ally McBeal...
Sheryl Swoops to miss entire WNBA
season due to torn knee ligaments...
John Starks (basketball player) back
in action after having tesicle removed...
Suge Knight released from prison...
Peter Buck (from REM) arrested in
London after in-flight fracas...
Dudley Moore not cooperating with
international dead pool agenda...candlelight
vigil being held...
And here's this month's famous corpses on
parade:
ACTORS
April 7: David
Graf, 50, a character actor remembered as Eugene
Tackleberry in the 1984 comedy Police Academy
and its six sequels, died of a heart attack while
attending a family wedding in Arizona. Graf portrayed
military officers in last year's motion picture Rules
of Engagement and the current television series West
Wing. Among his films were Guarding Tess, The
Brady Bunch Movie, Citizen Ruth and Irreconcilable
Differences. His television credits included guest
roles on Touched by an Angel, Sports Night,
Becker and Caroline in the City. (Could this be the
start of a Police Academy trend? Could we soon
see the demise of Bobcat? Howard Hesseman? Or dare I say
it, Steve Guttenberg? Stay tuned...)
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Apr 21: Jack Haley, Jr., died at the age
of 67. Haley produced dozens of documentaries, notably That's
Entertainment! Haley had a strong connection to The
Wizard Of Oz; he was the son of the Jack Haley Sr.
(the Tinman) and was married to Judy Garland's daughter,
Liza Minelli, in the 70's.
MUSIC
April 15: Singer Joey
Ramone aka
Jeffery Hyman, the reed-thin punk rock icon who
as a member of the Ramones influenced rockers from the
Sex Pistols to the Offspring. Ramone, the lead singer
with the Afghan hair, pallid skin, leather jacket, tinted glasses
and crooked smile, died of lymphoma. He was 49. The
four-member Ramones came out of Queens with limited
musical skills, but by 1976, their staccato riffs and
full-frontal garage rock assaults began to make their
mark on British punk musicians. The band has been
acknowledged by many as the inventors of punk rock.
Robert Hilburn, The LA Times' pop music critic stated
"The legacy of the Ramones doesn't end with punk
acts. Many of the most prized mainstream rock groups of
the last two decades, from U2 and R.E.M. to Nirvana and
Pearl Jam, have also been inspired by the purposefulness
and grass-roots spirit of the Ramones and the punk
movement. For that reason, Joey Ramone stands as a major
figure in the history of rock." (Is this sedated
enough for ya, Joey?)
SPORTS
April
9: Baseball Hall of Famer Willie
Stargell, who led the Pittsburgh Pirates to two
World Series titles with tape-measure homers, died of a
stroke at 61 in Wilmington, N.C. He was inducted into the
Hall of Fame in 1988. He appeared at the Pirates' final
game at Three Rivers Stadium on Oct. 1, 2000, several
days after it was announced that a 12 foot statue would
be erected at PNC Park. The statue was unveiled on April
7th. (No
truth to the rumor that Motown is set to release
"Pops, In The Name Of Love" in his honor)
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April 15: Jack Elway, the father of
John Elway and an innovative college coach in the '70s
and '80s, died of an apparent heart attack at his home in
Palm Springs, Calif. He was 69. (shown here with
Janet Elway, wife of John Elway during John's retirement
anouncement on May 12, 1999)
MISC
. . .
April
12: Harvey Ball, a commercial
artist whose design of a "smiley face" became a
pop icon for the 1970s, died in Worcester, Mass., after a
short illness. He was 79. Ball never reaped profits from
"Smiley," as he called the design, which fell
into the public domain when he failed to copyright it.
His total fees for designing the emblem: $45.
And
finally...you know, Da Grim ~V~eep is the tobacco
industry's biggest fan...I never seem to run out of
material thanks to these guys. Smoke up, Kiddies!
Thomas E. Workman Jr., a Los Angeles
attorney who successfully defended R.J. Reynolds Tobacco
Co. in the first trial in the death of a cigarette
smoker, died of emphysema. He was 73. Workman, a smoker
of Reynolds-made Camel Lights, denied that Reynolds
products were addictive.
So,
farewell *koff* til next time,
DG~V~
Celebrity
Death Poll 2001 player's picks
HOT OFF THE PRESS
salutes this month's featured writer:
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MR. MAY: Flying V
Enter our drawing to win a bag of your favorite
candy.
The winner will be randomly drawn from all entries,
notified via E-mail on May 27th, and will have their
name printed in our June edition. To enter, just send
an email with "Trick or Treat" in the subject
line,
and "Give me something good to eat" in the body
of the
letter to: thehotpress@yahoo.com
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