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May 2001

 

by The Grim ~V~eeper


Greetings, everyone...and welcome to this edition of
Celebrity Cemetary, the Grim ~V~eeper's Obituary Page.


A slow month, April was. So, I thought this would be a good time to rid myself of some of this mail that's been cluttering up my crypt. Here's a few of the letters & e-mails that you sicko's have been haunting yer old bony pal Da Grim ~V~eep with:

geddyleeroth@att.net writes:
"Who are these celebritys anyway? I've never heard of most of them. You suck." (The celebrity round-up is the highlights from the previous month's obituary pages from across the country. Ideally, it features someone everyone knows, plus people who have at least won an award or achieved something. Unlike you.)


johnfromnebraska@worldnet.att.net writes:
"At the sunrise in early morn
I think of corn
When I am forlorn
I think of corn
When a new President is sworn
I think of corn
When my life turns to black and I wish that I was never born
I think of corn"





imjimbelushi@glomer.com writes:

"Am I dead yet?" (No, but your career sure is.)





ilikecheese@banal.com writes:

"Mr. ~V~eeper, I really enjoy Celebrity Cemetery. However, I see that you've been calling your game "Death POLL 2001". This must be a typographical error. All games I've seen like this have been called "Dead POOLs", much like a football pool, baby pool, etc. I thought this should be pointed out." (Thank you, but its *named* Death Poll. You might say this is "Death Poll 2001, The Grim ~V~eeper's Dead Pool game. So bite me.)

melbatoaste@do_me.org writes:
"......I'm enclosing a picture of myself in my favorite teddy.....Oooh ~V~eep-man......" (*Ahem*...I'm a SKELETON, fercripesake. Seek help, and not only for that rash.)

Comments? Suggestions? Bad Poetry? Make contact with the Grim ~V~eeper through his human conduit at
raymorgan@prodigy.net

Lets take a quick peek at the SICKTICKER at www.stiffs.com

  • Robert Downey Jr. arrested on drug intoxication charges, fired from Ally McBeal...

  • Sheryl Swoops to miss entire WNBA season due to torn knee ligaments...

  • John Starks (basketball player) back in action after having tesicle removed...

  • Suge Knight released from prison...

  • Peter Buck (from REM) arrested in London after in-flight fracas...

  • Dudley Moore not cooperating with international dead pool agenda...candlelight vigil being held...

And here's this month's famous corpses on parade:

ACTORS

April 7: David Graf, 50, a character actor remembered as Eugene Tackleberry in the 1984 comedy Police Academy and its six sequels, died of a heart attack while attending a family wedding in Arizona. Graf portrayed military officers in last year's motion picture Rules of Engagement and the current television series West Wing. Among his films were Guarding Tess, The Brady Bunch Movie, Citizen Ruth and Irreconcilable Differences. His television credits included guest roles on Touched by an Angel, Sports Night, Becker and Caroline in the City. (Could this be the start of a Police Academy trend? Could we soon see the demise of Bobcat? Howard Hesseman? Or dare I say it, Steve Guttenberg? Stay tuned...)



Apr 21:
Jack Haley, Jr.
, died at the age of 67. Haley produced dozens of documentaries, notably That's Entertainment! Haley had a strong connection to The Wizard Of Oz; he was the son of the Jack Haley Sr. (the Tinman) and was married to Judy Garland's daughter, Liza Minelli, in the 70's.




MUSIC

April 15: Singer Joey Ramone aka Jeffery Hyman
, the reed-thin punk rock icon who as a member of the Ramones influenced rockers from the Sex Pistols to the Offspring. Ramone, the lead singer with the Afghan hair, pallid skin, leather jacket, tinted glasses and crooked smile, died of lymphoma. He was 49. The four-member Ramones came out of Queens with limited musical skills, but by 1976, their staccato riffs and full-frontal garage rock assaults began to make their mark on British punk musicians. The band has been acknowledged by many as the inventors of punk rock. Robert Hilburn, The LA Times' pop music critic stated "The legacy of the Ramones doesn't end with punk acts. Many of the most prized mainstream rock groups of the last two decades, from U2 and R.E.M. to Nirvana and Pearl Jam, have also been inspired by the purposefulness and grass-roots spirit of the Ramones and the punk movement. For that reason, Joey Ramone stands as a major figure in the history of rock." (Is this sedated enough for ya, Joey?)


SPORTS


April 9: Baseball Hall of Famer Willie Stargell, who led the Pittsburgh Pirates to two World Series titles with tape-measure homers, died of a stroke at 61 in Wilmington, N.C. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1988. He appeared at the Pirates' final game at Three Rivers Stadium on Oct. 1, 2000, several days after it was announced that a 12 foot statue would be erected at PNC Park. The statue was unveiled on April 7th. (No truth to the rumor that Motown is set to release "Pops, In The Name Of Love" in his honor)



April 15:
Jack Elway
, the father of John Elway and an innovative college coach in the '70s and '80s, died of an apparent heart attack at his home in Palm Springs, Calif. He was 69. (shown here with Janet Elway, wife of John Elway during John's retirement anouncement on May 12, 1999)



MISC . . .

April 12: Harvey Ball, a commercial artist whose design of a "smiley face" became a pop icon for the 1970s, died in Worcester, Mass., after a short illness. He was 79. Ball never reaped profits from "Smiley," as he called the design, which fell into the public domain when he failed to copyright it. His total fees for designing the emblem: $45.


And finally...you know, Da Grim ~V~eep is the tobacco industry's biggest fan...I never seem to run out of material thanks to these guys. Smoke up, Kiddies!

Thomas E. Workman Jr., a Los Angeles attorney who successfully defended R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. in the first trial in the death of a cigarette smoker, died of emphysema. He was 73. Workman, a smoker of Reynolds-made Camel Lights, denied that Reynolds products were addictive.


So, farewell *koff* til next time,

DG~V~

Celebrity Death Poll 2001 player's picks


HOT OFF THE PRESS
salutes this month's featured writer:


MR. MAY: Flying V


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