HOT off the Press:
Back to Nov. issue
Current Issue

AH Home

Message Board



Trivia Blitz


Get AIM!

November 2000


The Soap Box

by TarQness

Motorists Beware!

This month, kids, we will address a public safety issue. With the roads getting wetter and, in some regions icier, I felt that it was quite fitting to discuss those psychopaths we like to refer to as "motorists". I don't mean you specifically, I mean those other psychopaths. I am not exaggerating when I say that every single time I get into an automobile, I prepare to die. Every day, I witness people driving in ways that should have them in prison for attempted murder. This is what we will be talking about today.

Where, oh where do I begin? There are so many subjects on this topic to cover, I am not sure only one webpage could do it justice. However, since I am only allotted the one page, I shall do my best to cover the more common deadly quirks of those who get behind the wheel.

Let's start with tailgating. This is where a driver (remember, I am not talking about you, no sir) gets behind another and hovers dangerously close to their back bumper. This usually is done at very high speeds and generally within two feet. I have witnessed this behavior and been a victim of it enough to have developed a theory as to why people do this. See, whenever someone tailgates me, I am often going the speed limit or up to 5 MPH faster. People who tailgate are in a much bigger hurry than I am. They get on my butt as a signal to go faster. Well, I don't want a ticket, so I don't go faster. This makes them very angry and they get even closer. What these people fail to realize is that, by law, if someone were to suddenly stop in front of me or if I were to suddenly slam on my brakes just because, the resulting accident is their fault. It's the law. Any random tailgaters out there who stops by and read this might want to check with the Department of Motor Vehicles for their state if they don't believe me.

The only exception to that law is cutting someone off. This is also a deadly practice and most often unnecessary. Slipping your car two feet in front of someone for the mere sake of being the one in front is just stupid. In that case, any resulting accident is the legal fault of the driver in the front. I don't care how zippy and pretty your new Mitsubishi Eclipse is, you will eventually cause a wreck with this behavior.

Along the same lines, let's talk about etiquette in regard to entering the highway from a parking lot or driveway. Almost every day, I will be driving along at about 60 MPH with no one behind me for half a mile at least, but some fool will inevitably pull out in front of me going about 30 MPH because they cant wait two more seconds for me to pass so they have an open space to work with. Again, this is just stupid. Anyone who does this, knock it off.

Ah, cell phones. Aren't they great? I don't have one, but it would be handy to have one in case of an emergency or if I am at the store and can't remember what flavor of Go-Gurt my kids want. A phone right there at the ready! All wonderful. It's just that some people are candidates for having their wireless phones surgically attached to their heads. They drive through rush-hour traffic, talking to Marge about that trollop Sandy and her yappy dog and why doesn't she leave that dust-mop with teeth at home. During this conversation, they have nearly mowed down 4 old ladies, run 5 stop lights and just missed side-swiping another minivan driver talking on her cell phone and not paying attention to the road. These soccer moms with wireless phones live on the edge, I tell you.

Then there are people with sports cars who drive down the freeway at Mach 2, doing all of the above. These people deserve the chair. 'Nuff said.

So folks, the roads are more hazardous at this time of the year. Riding in a car is one of the most dangerous things anyone can do. I think it's even statistically more dangerous than sky-diving. Just be careful out there.