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April 2000


Rated PG - Black Balls
Every week the teacher gave her students an exceptionally hard question to answer. Since the question was given on a Thursday, the reward for getting it right was permission to skip school the next day, giving them an extra long weekend. No one in the class had ever gotten one of these tough questions right. (An example of one of her questions is: How many grains of sand are in the sierra desert?) One day a boy from the class was outside for recess, playing in the bushes. He discovered two black, rubber balls. He had no idea what they were for, so he just shoved them into his pocket. When recess was over, everyone gathered for the new question of the week. The teacher began to write it on the board. The boy grabbed the balls from his pocket and threw them at the teacher, hitting her in the back of the head! Astonished, the teacher turned around and yelled, "Who's the comedian with the two black balls? " The boy then said, "Bill Cosby. See ya next week."

Rated PG - The Bear and the Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit were crapping in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and asked, "Do you have trouble with crap sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No, I don't." So, the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.

Rated PG - Harassment
A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "He's a midget."

QUICKIES - Rated G - R - Something for everyone
Q. How do you catch a bra?
A. Set a boobie trap.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's hand.

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher approached them and got his dick out. The first old lady had a stroke, the second old lady had a stroke and the third old lady was too far away!


Chanel No.5
Rogaine Extra Strength
Revlon nail enamel
Pronto lice-killing shampoo
Johnnie Walker Black Label scotch
Vicks 44D cough syrup
Johnsons baby shampoo
Wendy's chili
Clorox bleach


QUOTES OF THE MONTH----by Rodney Dangerfield
"I was such an ugly kid........When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up"

"I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend"

"We were poor...Why if I wasn't born a boy...I'd have nothing to play with"

"A girl phoned me the other day and said. "Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

Ropesville, Lariat and Loop are all towns in Texas.
In Medievil Japan, dentists extracted teeth with their hands.
In Athens, Greece, you can lose your drivers license for being 'poorly dressed' or 'unbathed'.
The most used expression of any language on earth is 'OK'.
5% of Americans say they 'never' make their beds.
Blue neckties sell the best. Red ties are second.
Over 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right-handed people.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.

LETS EAT AT HOME TONITE----These items are from real menus
Horse-rubbish sauce (Rome)
Torture soup (Djerba)
Terminal soup (Istanbul)
Farte aux Fraises (Turkey)
Frozen Soap with Peccadilloes (Madrid)