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April 2000


by (Livin' La Vida) Mocha

“Murr Purrrrrrr”

English Translation:

I really love those TV commercials with that hunky Sockpuppet. Here’s a cute little interview with him that my owner saw in Entertainment Weekly:

Talk To The Hand:
Ten Stupid Questions for the Sockpuppet

1. Are you a purebred? I’m very mixed. I’m part Jack Russeell, part Labrador, part tube sock, part argyle, and a little bit Lithuanian.

2. Is it true you were snubbed by the Westminster dog show? “Snubbed” is a strong word. I did not receive an invitation. I would like for the AKC to recognize the duppet -- dog-puppet -- as a legitimate breed.

3. You duetted with Kathie Lee... I wonder if that had anything to do with her leaving.

4. Anything going on there? Kathie and I are just friends. I have a very serious girlfriend.

5. Related question: Are you fixed? Let me just answer you in this way: I am all puppet.

6. Suppose the Muppets start talking trash to you. The Muppets and I are close. They’re hip, I’m hip. They know where it’s at, I know where it’s at. But it would depend on who. If it’s Animal, I’d just run away. He’s scary.

7. Are you a party animal? I’m domesticated.

8. So you’d never cruise for female dogs with, say, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and Taco Bell’s Chihuahua? Well, you know those frogs that sell beer? I was hanging out with the one that goes “Weis”. We went down to the Super Bowl and had a crazy time.

9. How does one achieve the Sockpuppet look? Two words of advice: fabric softener.

10. What about this guy who’s always with you, Michael Black? He was funny on Comedy Central’s “Viva Variety” and MTV’s “The Slate”. He was my right-hand man. But celebrity changes things. He started taking all the credit, and we had a falling out. I had to take out a restraining order. He’s no longer allowed within an arm’s length. But he’s a terrific talent. And grossly underpaid.


the Midwest is still cold.