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June 2000


Dear Yenta,

I am planning my first wedding, and don't have any experience in the planning of weddings. Can you please tell me what is socially acceptable regarding the gift request proceedure.

Between my fiance and myself, we already have a household full of "stuff". We really don't need any of the typical wedding gifts that are on this Bridal Registry I am trying to fill out. We would really just rather have money to spend on the Honeymoon. Is there a tactful way to let people know we prefer participation in the "money dance" during the reception instead of an actual gift? Do I spread the word around my family before the wedding, or do I put it on the invitation, or do I just not mention it?

Clueless in California

Dear Clueless in California:

The Yenta is sooooooooo glad you asked this question that I'm sure many have been dying to ask. Having been married 3 times herself, The Yenta can surely appreciate having enough "stuff" and needing cash. Unfortunately, it is quite gauche to ask for money on invitations, and not mentioning anything will surely get you more toasters than any Sunday brunch will need. is my suggestion: You either don't register anywhere and then tell a blabby member of your family (who you know will spread it around) that you prefer $$$$, or don't invite jerks who you think will bring gifts. If anyone should ask YOU what you need, put on your best pouty face and say "if we don't get some money, we won't be able to take that very expensive honeymoon that we are soooooooo looking forward to". If all else fails, tell them you are registered with The Yenta Inc. and have them send inquiries to me. For 10%, I can make sure you get nothing but money. ; >

The Yenta

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