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February 2000

 



Dear Ms. Yenta,

I am at a loss here. My husband spends all of his spare time in front of the TV with the remote clutched in his hand. He never has time for me anymore. I have tried dancing totally naked in front of him and his response was that he couldn't see the game so could I please do that somewhere else. He sleeps with the remote clutched in his hand and I have tried to pry it away from him, only to have him wake and ask me what in the name of all that is holy I am doing. I have threatened to leave, but I don't want to and he doesn't hear what I am saying when I do.

Tell me Yenta, what do I do??

Just sign me:
Picture Box Widow


Dear Picture Box Widow,

The yenta suggests that you once again get naked, this time painting a large remote control on the front of your body in flavored edible paint and asking your husband to lick the buttons of his choice.

If this doesn't work, I suggest finding a help group chat room for "remote control hog widows".

Glad I could help,
The Yenta

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